im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
