Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
