I want to walk on stilts...naked
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize