he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
