you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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