you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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