So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
