when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize