He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
