There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
