Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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