It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
