if i can run in heels then i can drive
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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