i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
