he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bring money and cleavage
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
