Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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