Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
