dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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