the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
