I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Enjoy the penises
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
