Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
