I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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