I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize