My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
