Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
