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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
