I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
