do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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