"it" just moved
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
