Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
