sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
