can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize