Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
