She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
