This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
