grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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