I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
