we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
