Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
