mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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