What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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