this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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