sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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