I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
