You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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