My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize