i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
