This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
