Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
