This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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