I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
