you guys were way drunker than both of me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
