I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
