you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
