ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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