I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
