Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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