You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
vagina is talking i cant
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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