what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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