I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
