i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
