It's Friday. Sex?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
