Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
