the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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