Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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