All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
