They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
