if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
