tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
