The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
