We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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