dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize