So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
