Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
