Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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