If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
