During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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