I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
