I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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