saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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