remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
