Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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