how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
