Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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