yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize