Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
