Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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