I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
