What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
