First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
