Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
