Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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