I forgot how hot balto sounded
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize