The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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