The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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