so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
