I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
