She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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