I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
